Always alone

    I've been battling with these feelings for a long time. I feel so alone, unwanted and just straight up replaceable. I feel like that in every aspect of my life that I'm not wanted around. I feel alone and my husband (who's very supportive) said you have us (him and our daughter) your family. But in reality that's all I really have.

      I don't really have a relationship with my parents, and I feel like they there only around due to the fact i do have a daughter. This sounds like poor me (if you don't like it don't read it! I'm venting cause I can't hold it in anymore.), but I feel like they like my husband and would rather be around him than me. Like I'm no important enough for anyone sept for maybe my husband and child. 

      How can I feel this way, when others have truly no one? I hate the feelings and I don't know what to do to make them go away. 

       I go back to when i was with my ex Boyfriend and for some reason that time period I didn't feel alone.. But I wasn't happy and I missed my husband every damn day. It seems people wanted to be around me more often and i was able to do more. Maybe then  i had the freedom cause I only dated and could up and do anything. God, I dunno. 

      

Conflicting interests.

Trying to figure out me, my feelings. Before I end up hurt this man. Truth be I know I'm not quiet over my ex, even tho I know I should be. Feelings for him, nonexistent. But I still am feeling the heart break every day. It's gotten a lot lighter, but still can bring me to tears. 

My love for him is that of a dead animal, they will always have a place in your heart but you can no longer feel the love you once had for them. I love him because he is apart of my daughter...and she is my everything. 

I was told the other day everything I'm feeling is normal, that eased my mind a bit. 

Wish I could enjoy my music again, without thoughts of him. No matter what kind of genera, if it's anything but dub step then my mind reverts back to him. 

I'm starting counseling with in the month, it will be good for me. Hopefully I'll be mindfully healthy again. I miss the real me. 

    I stumble, I fall, I'm still learning.