I sit here I can't enjoy any music other than dub step. If I do just one song can turn my thoughts to negitive. I'm filled with regret sawrow, loneliness, hurt, and pain. When does the pain go away officially! When I get into these moods sometimes all I want to do is drink.
I want to feel okay and at peace with this. My mind keeps racing back to my daughter how I wanted her to have mom and dad in the same house, I didn't want her to grow up like me. I wanted a better life, and future for her.
I go back to when we found out and when we thought about abortion and adoption. I feel as if like what we had chosen adoption she wouldn't have to deal with a divorce with her parents, she wouldn't have night terrors and cry out for me. It kills me every time she does.
I have to print off divorce papers and I've neglected to cause I can't admit to my failure. And I kinda feel like there still a chance even when I know there's not. Truthfully I'm probably in denial.
No comments:
Post a Comment