Always alone

    I've been battling with these feelings for a long time. I feel so alone, unwanted and just straight up replaceable. I feel like that in every aspect of my life that I'm not wanted around. I feel alone and my husband (who's very supportive) said you have us (him and our daughter) your family. But in reality that's all I really have.

      I don't really have a relationship with my parents, and I feel like they there only around due to the fact i do have a daughter. This sounds like poor me (if you don't like it don't read it! I'm venting cause I can't hold it in anymore.), but I feel like they like my husband and would rather be around him than me. Like I'm no important enough for anyone sept for maybe my husband and child. 

      How can I feel this way, when others have truly no one? I hate the feelings and I don't know what to do to make them go away. 

       I go back to when i was with my ex Boyfriend and for some reason that time period I didn't feel alone.. But I wasn't happy and I missed my husband every damn day. It seems people wanted to be around me more often and i was able to do more. Maybe then  i had the freedom cause I only dated and could up and do anything. God, I dunno. 

      

Take it back

It seems that everything I do, I think of him in some certain light. Like I bought a car and thought well if he sees that I'm doing well enough he will want to get back together. 

I also then thought well if I lose all this weight get back into shape then maybe he will want me. 

But then I realized that is not what it is about.  

Yet for some reason all I want is him to call me one day and say baby come back. All I think is that he needs to come home and be with his family again, then my mind wonders to why hasn't anyone said anything to him from his family. They all should be against him getting a divorce and dating/fucking someone else while he is married wither or not separated. I think of all these things he's doing that I think he shouldn't be doing, yet I'm doing the same thing.... Sigh to get out of my head and escape and figure everything out. 

I just want to know what he is think I want him to be truthful for once and tell me exactly what he wants. What he wants from me, where we stand. 

I miss him I miss who he was when our daughter was first born looking at those pictures makes me sad to see how we both went to being so close to being so far that now we can't even have a conversation. The man I gave my life to, my everything I had to offer and now I can't even get more then a few sentences out of him. I just want to talk to him!!

Divorce papers have been ready to print for months, I have yet gotten the courage to print them off cause I know once I do, he will sign them with out any hesitation. I feel like once I've done that I will lose the last thing that keeps us some what together. I know I need to, but it hurts to even think it's going to be all over. 

I want everything to go back to the way it was before this mess happened, back to when we were in love, and so egger to change our new borns diaper!