Always alone

    I've been battling with these feelings for a long time. I feel so alone, unwanted and just straight up replaceable. I feel like that in every aspect of my life that I'm not wanted around. I feel alone and my husband (who's very supportive) said you have us (him and our daughter) your family. But in reality that's all I really have.

      I don't really have a relationship with my parents, and I feel like they there only around due to the fact i do have a daughter. This sounds like poor me (if you don't like it don't read it! I'm venting cause I can't hold it in anymore.), but I feel like they like my husband and would rather be around him than me. Like I'm no important enough for anyone sept for maybe my husband and child. 

      How can I feel this way, when others have truly no one? I hate the feelings and I don't know what to do to make them go away. 

       I go back to when i was with my ex Boyfriend and for some reason that time period I didn't feel alone.. But I wasn't happy and I missed my husband every damn day. It seems people wanted to be around me more often and i was able to do more. Maybe then  i had the freedom cause I only dated and could up and do anything. God, I dunno. 

      

False hope

Moving forward, and yet I feel like I'm still stuck to chapter behind. 

I move in with my boyfriend, we get along for the most part. Other then his insecurities. 

But me and my ex are currently on good terms? We had a good blow up over text and now it's better and we had a good conversation about our daughter. 

This happens every time, every time we get along my mind always goes back to me and him getting back together and that we could work it out. 

Ugh I don't know why I do this to myself every time. I want to let go but my mind/heart won't let me. 

The pain is finally subsided for now. I'm sure it will come up as soon as court starts, or counseling starts! 

I've come to realize that I don't see me marrying my boyfriend, I don't see marriage at all in my future. I also can't see myself having children with him. Just due to the way he treats my daughter. He claims to treat her like his own, yet I know for a fact he doesn't and as soon as we would have a kid he would brush my daughter to the side. 

So where do I go from here. What do I do? What do I say?