Always alone

    I've been battling with these feelings for a long time. I feel so alone, unwanted and just straight up replaceable. I feel like that in every aspect of my life that I'm not wanted around. I feel alone and my husband (who's very supportive) said you have us (him and our daughter) your family. But in reality that's all I really have.

      I don't really have a relationship with my parents, and I feel like they there only around due to the fact i do have a daughter. This sounds like poor me (if you don't like it don't read it! I'm venting cause I can't hold it in anymore.), but I feel like they like my husband and would rather be around him than me. Like I'm no important enough for anyone sept for maybe my husband and child. 

      How can I feel this way, when others have truly no one? I hate the feelings and I don't know what to do to make them go away. 

       I go back to when i was with my ex Boyfriend and for some reason that time period I didn't feel alone.. But I wasn't happy and I missed my husband every damn day. It seems people wanted to be around me more often and i was able to do more. Maybe then  i had the freedom cause I only dated and could up and do anything. God, I dunno. 

      

Back to a norm.

Well ive been back with my husband sense April, its been a trial getting our relationship back to a healthy one. We had a few issues at first, mainly to do with our ex's. Let me expand on that thought. So first off we both ovibously had feelings for them. I for him and he for her. Its been a struggle for the both of us trying to move past those feelings for the others.

I still have a some left over feelings for him, he was there while my husband tore me down. He was my friend, and that's all he should have ever been! We weren't ment to be together, only as friends. I think I miss the way it felt being freer? Like with my child going every other weekend to her dads. That gave us time to live like we had no kids. But it wasn't good. 

Few months after me and my husband got back together he made contact to his ex. I slightly freaked but that was due to the nature of The conversation. He said he missed her and they talked back and fourth. She admittedly said that them talking was like cheating on me but she wouldn't tell. He hid it from me as he was working out of town staying at his parents I went up for the night to see him and I found her email and that is why I freaked. 

I've never made contact with my ex aaa badly as I wanted to and still do..at least say I'm sorry. Even tho it wouldn't matter. I dunno why. It's definitely been real tiraling. But we're getting threw it! One day at a time. Things are looking bright.