From a single mother fighting her separated husband in a healthy marriage.
My mental illness is hitting me hard today, I guess it's been hitting pretty hard for days/weeks.
I've talked to everyone I can trust and I'm sure there sick of hearing me go on about the same damn thing. But this is all still effecting me.
I'm regretting my mothering skills with my little one and thinking I wasn't ready, it wasn't like I planned on let's get pregnant and never get to live out some of our adult hood pre-children.
If it wasn't me and my family my baby wouldn't have gone threw this. I really hope this was the only incident.
It happened to my mom it's happened to me, and now my baby girl. How and why does it keep happening. She only 3 and she was possibly 2 at that time.
If I wasn't her mom, if she never was apart my family she might have never gone threw this. What kind of sick people do these things. I would never even after I have been sexually abused.
How could my own brother do this to my daughter his niece. He had the same thing done to him and he knows the pain, so how could he do it to someone so defenseless. She adored him. And he probably thinks he got away with it.
My other question is did she act up, did she try and tell me by crying or telling me she didn't want to go to grandma's and because that was my only option for a baby sitter she had tl. And she had to keep living that nightmare over and over, everytime. And I had no idea...
So much to say so little strength. Well I'm at a loss for everything two serious events are happening in my life. Two events that I feel primarily my fault.
1st but not cause it's more important, but cause I can't see how this happened.
So let's start less then a month ago. My friend b moved out, I was relieved. But after she moved out my husband had said that our marriage is on the rocks. I guess I'm just a nieve person or don't think stuff like this is going to happen.
But today my husband made the final decision to leave for a week and see if we can work things out. The past week our relationship went down hill rapidly. I feel like it's sand threw my fingers. And I feel like he wants nothing to do with me.
Well cause I'm to fucking blind to see, but our marriage is holding on by a thread. Not yarn, sewing thread.
How did we get here again, he resents me. I'm not to fond of him right now either, but I can't give up. Especially when he is all I got. Our little family is all I have left, in this while fucking world in all of my family they are all I got. I guess my efforts weren't enough for us or our family. I don't know how I keep falling into this. But it hurts so bad!
I ain't got no where to turn if he leaves and I'm left trying to provide for myself he'll take the child and I will lose it.
